Crop Circles are Track Ovals  

Posted by THE COLLECTIVE in , , , , ,

Crop Circle (noun) Definition: any area of grain or crop that has been flattened or cut into a circular geometric pattern, sometimes thought to be made by flying saucers's 21st Century Lexicon
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As far back as the 17th Century, humans have been intrigued by the formation of circular patterns spanning 40 to 50 feet on plantation of crops such as wheat or barley. During the 1960’s scientists have been baffled by numerous occurrence of this phenomenon. Several crop circles have already been proven to be hoaxes pulled by college students, but some of them still remain to be a mystery.

Well, it is definitely not a mystery, not to us at least. To put it simply, crop circles are the marks left behind by “disposable” track ovals used by outworlders such as ourselves.

The extra-terrestrial community on Earth had its own share of the “running boom” back in the 1960’s. Alien life-forms of any race or chemical make-up seemed to pick up running as their terrestrial-inspired form of diversion or competition. WE were there to witness it, although WE did not participate because WE found the Space Race between the Americans and the Soviets more delightful.

Several ingenious extra-terrestrial merchants of that time developed a small contraption that when activated becomes an Olympic sized track oval. WE are not familiar with the technology used for the device but let us just think of it as Cup Noodles, just add hot water and you’ve got yourself a meal…or for this matter, a track oval. After having ones fill of speed training for the night, the track oval is then deactivated causing it to be vaporized. This is why WE coined them disposable. No traces of the track oval is left after the vaporization except for miniscule magnetized iron spheres and the notorious crop circles.

Obviously, the reason for setting up the track oval at night was to hide it from human eyes. Cloaking devices are very expensive by nomadic extra-terrestrial standards after all.

The circular pattern left behind after the vaporization of the track oval, which became known as crop circles, are merely the unique stamps of merchants who manufactured it . Call it a company logo, or a calling card , or even an advertising tool. Outworlders, after seeing a crop circle, can then establish a telepathic link by focusing on the patterns, connecting them directly to the manufacturers of that particular track oval. Plain and simple business.

Now, where can we set-up our track oval for the night? The sugar cane fields of Negros does not sound bad.

Run Strong and Prosper!

I’m Getting Ready…Getting Reeeeeaaaady….  

Posted by THE COLLECTIVE in , , , , ,

To put it succinctly WE are getting ready and are on the final stages of our preparation for the marathon this Sunday.

Similar to most Filipinos running a marathon in Manila, WE wish that there will be adequate amounts of water and that there will be enough clouds on the atmosphere to block significant amounts of radiation from the sun. Call us pessimists, but WE doubt our wishes will come into being.

WE have observed Filipino runners make provision for sports drinks, gels, skin lubricants and running apparel in a compulsive manner when preparing for an important race. A totally logical form of approach considering the usual scarcity of water and other forms of re-hydrating fluids in Philippine running events, not to mention the tropical climate. WE would like to adhere to this norm considering that the human body WE will assume for the race still has terrestrial requirements.

WE have prepared a list of the implements and substances needed for July 5.

  • Race Number w/ pre-attached pins
  • Milo Singlet
  • Compression Leggings
  • Sports Socks
  • Asics Gel Oberon (Color Green)
  • Fuel Belt, 4 Flasks – filled with zodan, a liquid-like concoction of hyper-active particles with high osmolality meant to invigorate a carbon-based life form.
  • StarGlasses - purchased from a merchant residing at Sector 4 of the Crab Nebula. Looks like regular polarized sunglasses but is a mini-computer with GPS read-out, x-ray vision, life-signs scanning and several other functions that its artificial intelligence is capable of.
  • Anti-Gluon Gun – to unravel the atoms of any being that might display hostility towards us. Small enough to fit in the Fuel Belt pouch.

If there would be any suggestions as for other things to bring on a race, it would be most welcomed.

In addition to tapering WE are also consuming large amounts of of Milo to store enough “Olympic energy”… once again, pardon our attempt for human humor.

Run Strong and Prosper!

The Quest for Adequate Running Footwear, Scrumptious Human Dessert and Peace of Mind  

Posted by THE COLLECTIVE in , ,

There are but 8 Earth days left before the commencement of the Milo Marathon. WE are feeling both anxious and excited for our first race, which is quite unusual since we rarely express any kind of emotion.

To relieve ourselves from stress, WE decided to mimic the actions of human females WE have observed undergoing a similar situation. WE gorged on ice cream and went shopping.

The Collective was once again using the appearance* of the male runner WE recently assimilated. The same male runner who will serve as our "vessel" in competing at the Milo Marathon whom, for the purpose of identification**, WE shall call as Number 18 . A dimensional portal brought us in the middle of a grassy lawn along Bonifacio High Street. Our arrival was noticed by some children, their eyes wide, jaws hanging in disbelief. WE were equally perplexed when a human female approached us, apologized, and gently instructed the younglings that staring too long at strangers is "bad manners". WE gave our best rendition of a smile to the female, then slowly inched ourselves away.

Whilst trying to escape from the presence of the juveniles who witnessed our non-standard arrival, WE overheard them telling their mother that "He (Number 18) just popped out of nowhere like Harry Potter," WE walked a little bit more faster at that point.

Eventually, WE spotted a shop that piqued our interest. It was called Runnr [sic]. WE entered the store and inquired about the nature of a curious contraption that seemed like a cross between a conveyor belt and a vintage Babbage computer. It turned out to be a device that can analyze one's foot type, pronation, gait, and probably several other things if WE hadn't interrupted the attendant to ask what running shoe he can recommend for us. Being whimsical by nature, our attention span can be quite short at times. After some jogging done on the contraption, the attendant suggested a shoe that had thick lugs near the forefoot, WE think it was called "Isaac's". Alas, the Earth currency we possess were but English farthings from the Middle Ages. The attendant said they accept credit cards. WE replied that it was well and good that the store trades footwear for "credit cards", and that WE will return at a later time in possession of the aforementioned card.

Shopping, or to be more accurate, Window Shopping: Check.

Then for ice cream. WE wanted to have a green colored ice cream in a parlor at Serendra. The human female told us it was a pistachio flavored ice cream and that they only accept Philippine currency for purchase of the said dessert. WE confessed that WE are not in possession of dated human currency. She smiled and gave us a cup of pistachio ice cream. "On the house," she said, " for speaking in such a funny way".

Ice cream. Check.

The day ended with us, experiencing several other human abstracts that left us pleasantly confused.

WE still need to have those specific cards to trade for the Isaac's running shoes. Any suggested course of action for the acquisition of said cards will be very much appreciated by The Collective.

To the ice cream Lady, WE are forever indebted to you for your act of kindness

Run Strong and Prosper!

*WE can take the physical form of beings WE've previously assimilated.
**Having a "hive-mind", WE only have one identity. Number 18 is merely the form of a human with XY chromosomes that we usually assume in running-related situations.

Race First, Train Later  

Posted by THE COLLECTIVE in , , ,

Greetings Terrans! We come in peace and curiosity.

WE have previously posted our successful registration to the Milo Marathon, and are counting the days before July 5. Most runners would suggest that the 2 to 3 weeks before a marathon should be used for tapering. WE, on the other hand cannot taper, because WE had zero mileage or any sort of preparation for this race. Well, WE have recently assimilated a seasoned runner and all his skills and experiences are already part of The Collective. That should do. But WE are not contented and will not be contented with just running 3-6 miles in the next two weeks.

There is a popular human custom called “cramming”. Law students cram before their BAR exams. Brain surgeons cram before their first actual operation. So why can’t WE cram for a marathon?

Earlier this morning, WE piggy-backed on the consciousness of a svelte runner girl who was going for a 30 km run. WE started running from San Juan City going through dark alleys and bridges through Mandaluyong, then Pasig with several loops in the UA&P area in Ortigas and back to San Juan again. The runner girl did not sense our presence during the entire 30 kms. WE, on the other hand, have felt her ambivalence on running that morning, what with the slight drizzle and waking up at 3:30 am, yet WE were impressed by her ability to just shrug off all those negative thoughts and proceed with her training. Such dedication! The human mind is truly fascinating!

WE found out that she was preparing for IronMan Philippines. WE ran a consistent 5 mins. pace, it was tiring yet exhilarating, probably because of the copious amount of endorphins her pituitary released.

If our calculations are correct a normal human who does this type of cramming two weeks before a marathon will just compromise his/her race day performance. So, unless you also have the ability to “hijack” another beings corporal forms, please do not follow our example.

Maybe WE should try to assimilate Gebrselassie or Usain Bolt for the ultimate human running experience... some other time.

Run Strong and Prosper!

WE will join the Milo Marathon  

Posted by THE COLLECTIVE in , , , ,

The Milo Marathon, WE were informed, is the Philippines' premiere running event. What better way for us to begin running but by joining this race?

Yesterday, WE telepathically communicated with Mr. Biscocho* regarding the registration process. He agreed to register a "representative" of ours for the full marathon and WE've already received the race packet he sent.

The Milo Marathon race packet consists of a race number, four safety pins, and a green singlet (WE like the color green, a pity you humans cannot ever have that skin tone). Where was the race map? WE had another telepathic conference with the race organizers* and WE found out that it should have been common knowledge that the race will start at Quirino Grandstand like it always has and will follow the same route it had for the past 4 years. Excuse us, we are still very green with races and all.

WE have selected a male Filipino to serve as a vessel for our collective consciousness. WE would like to have a singular experience of our first marathon for us to closely mimic your kind. The male WE selected has had adequate marathon training and WE have been in telepathic contact with him for weeks. WE have, just now, assimilated him. With consent , of course.

WE are ready for our first marathon. WE can only imagine if the running community is ready for us.

*Mr. Biscocho's memory of our encounter has been thoroughly erased and replaced with random experiences. Memory erasure is a painless process.

First Contact  

Posted by THE COLLECTIVE in , ,

WE are here. WE have always been here. WE are many yet WE are one.

WE have recently risen from slumber. WE can still remember willing OURselves to this remote part of the orient during the time there was a plague of bubo in the British Isles. Terrible times they were. So WE've withdrawn myself from the affairs of men. Until now.

Once, WE used to crown kings for nations, bring empires to an abrupt end or just plain meddle with the visions of prophets. WE have our mood swings, yes.

WE have always been fascinated by human competition. For centuries, WE have observed humans competing for food, territory and survival amongst other things. But what sets apart humans from most animals is competing for the sake of competition. Who can stay longer under water? Who can use the spear better? Who can run faster?

The sport of Distance Running in Manila is indeed quite fascinating these times. WE take sadistic pleasure in watching men and women pound the concrete streets with their rubber made shoes for 6, 10, 26 miles or more. Some of them smile as they run, but most of them look in pain. Gasping for air. Limping in pain. Baked in the stifling heat. Such misery they put themselves into. Human folly? WE do not know.

WE are intrigued by the emotions that a runner feels when crossing the finish line. Is it relief? Accomplishment? Resignation? Once again, WE do not know.

WE will find out.

From this point on, WE will take on the appearance of homo sapiens. WE will seem like normal carbon-based life-forms to everybody. WE will be the lady at the grocery store, the guy at the gym, your next door neighbor, your Spanish 101 classmate. WE will be everywhere.

WE will be running with you on your practice runs. Racing with you on Sundays. Bumping into you at running seminars.

We will run.

About WE

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WE are advanced life-forms with the ability to bend time and space. WE are omnipresent. WE are sentient energy. WE get bored sometimes. WE want to try a primitive hobby. What could be more primitive a hobby than running?


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